I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
