I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
