We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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