if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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