Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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