they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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