Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
