it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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