If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
