I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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