My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
