I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
