I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
