im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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