I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
only if we run a train.
done.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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