I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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