I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
