Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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