we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
