So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
4 words: hood of his car
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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