I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
