Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
