I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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