yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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