Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
