I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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