Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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