Will you blow on my dice?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I pour the whiskey from now on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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