Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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