i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
