My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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