So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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