you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
