I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
