It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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