can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
