is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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