I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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