I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
