see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
