I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
