Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
