He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
