the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
