I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
