After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
