Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
