i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
