My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize