me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
