Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
