i barfeds in our rink
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
