yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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