the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
