Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
