Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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