Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
