Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
