she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
