sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
