when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
