Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
third nipple confirmed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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