So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
