Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
